Toddler Tantrums and Anxiety

It’s 10:30 am. How many tantrums has your toddler thrown? By my count, my near 16-mo-old Sienna’s has thrown 3, 1 major, 2 minor. The first was when I took her out of crib this morning and tried to change her diaper. How dare I?? She went crazy…screaming, tears, kicking, and worst of all, squiggling around on the changing table preventing me from lying her on her back so I could clean her. I’m just happy she’d only peed because otherwise things could have been really messy. Somehow I finally calmed her down enough that she stayed relatively still and sucked her thumb, tears still falling, and I was able to do what every parent has to do every morning. Why did she go nutso? No idea. But it wasn’t a good start to my day and it got my anger up which in turn made me feel guilty which then led to a bit of anxiety. As soon as Sienna was cleaned up, I had to step back and breathe. Luckily, the anxiety didn’t manifest itself physically.

The other 2 tantrums were much smaller – refusing to drink water (the girl doesn’t drink enough water) and getting PO’d because I’d given her Kix over Cheerios. These certainly didn’t help the anxiety created by the first tantrum, and I started worrying about what’s going to happen when Sienna REALLY starts going nuclear. Will I have the inner strength to prevent myself from becoming a quivering mess? Will I have gotten enough of a hold on my anxiety that feeling angry with my daughter won’t bring on guilt? I can’t imagine guilt ever not being present. I just have to remember that it’s natural for parents to get angry with their kids for screaming their heads off out of frustration for being unable to communicate their needs, or for not getting what they want, or for no reason whatsoever.

Elaine was furious with Sienna the other day when, a couple of days after getting LASIK, Sienna accidentally poked her in the eye. Everything wound up fine – Elaine’s vision was perfect – but the anger and associated guilt lasted for quite awhile. I had to remind her of a story my mom likes to tell about tantrums. Apparently when I was 2 or 3, I threw a tantrum at the base of a department store escalator. My mom wasn’t just apoplectic and embarrassed, she claimed she wanted to ring my neck. This story helped calm Elaine a bit. It’s normal to be angry when your toddler throws a tantrum, right? And it’s normal to feel guilty afterwards, I think. What’s not normal is to become anxious to the point where you lose control of all rationality and have a panic attack. That’s what I need to work on. Thankfully I haven’t yet reached that bridge, but who knows when it will happen. So, I’m going to need to recall my mom’s story when I’m irate with Sienna in order to assuage the guilt that comes with it, and I should add Elaine’s post-LASIK adventure as well. Instead of the usual, “Breathe,” my mantra in these situations should be, “Think escalator. Think LASIK.”

For me, tantrums bring on anger, guilt, and anxiety. The key will be in controlling my brain. Perhaps Sienna’s real-life irrational hissy fits will prove to be excellent practice for when my monkey mind goes bananas due to equally preposterous things located only in my brain.