Right now I hate the world. I hate everything. I hate that I’m depressed. I hate that I’m gaining weight and I don’t know how to eat right. I hate that I hate so many foods. I hate that I can’t keep up with other dad bloggers. I hate Facebook, Twitter and all social media. I hate that I have no passion. I hate that I don’t know what I’m doing anymore with my Fantasy Baseball team. I hate that I’m dependent on my parents. I hate getting gifts of anything that I need- like clothes. A gift should be something special, something you wouldn’t buy yourself. I hate that that’s a first world problem- it makes me feel guilty. I hate that I dislike Sienna right now and I don’t want to be around her. I hate that my wife has physical illnesses I can’t do anything about. I hate my age. I hate that I missed out on so much.
I hate the culture of the world- everything seems pointless. The government doesn’t care. They have their own agendas and lobbies. Nothing’s ever going to change. I hate people who can’t understand there’s an underlying current of race in everything even when it’s not racial. I hate the whole white privilege thing. I feel powerless about that and the whole mental illness thing. I hate that I’m a nobody.
I hate cleaning, I hate that Sienna’s not listening. I hate that I’m so resistant to change, to fixing myself. I hate that I have to always ‘understand’ something before I can do it.
I hate that I have no faith. I hate religion. I hate the news. I hate these people that hide behind the Second Amendment – it’s so infuriating.
I hate that I can’t remember a lot of stuff from my childhood. I hate New York.
I hate that I have no determination: I give up so quickly. I hate that I don’t know what to do with Sienna after school. I hate that my best friends live so far away.
I hate that I’m losing my hair. I hate that I’m tired all the time. I hate that I have so little time with Elaine. I hate having panic attacks.
I hate smokers. I hate people who think they’re above the law. People who don’t signal. I hate people.
I hate that I don’t have a mind that grasps things like math and photography computers. I hate that I can’t read an instruction book. I want to learn photography so much- I want to take pictures of the moon and the Galaxy but I can’t grasp how. I forget things so quickly. I hate that I forget things so quickly.
I hate that I can’t conjure up feelings.
I hate bullies.
I wish I could be one of those people that lets it all go, let’s it all slide off, can be confident in who they are and lets it all slide off.
I hate being afraid.
Most of all I hate that I’m so negative.