Last night, a group of us from the NYC Dads Group went to see an advanced screening of “The Wolverine,” and I can tell you without really spoiling anything that the X-Men fav, Logan, escapes the story safe and sound. I can also tell you that movie is kind of meh, but it’s a gazillion times better than the garbage that was “Wolverine: Origins.” I wasn’t surprised by Wolverine living or the movie being just ok, but I WAS stunned by the amount of security surrounding the screening. They forced us to give up our phones, iPads, etc, and then used some sort of electronics sweeper to make sure we weren’t carrying anything into the theater (of course, they had no problem with me bringing in my Swiss army knife!). Anyway, That’s something the screening team should publicize, especially for something like a dads group whose members might need to be in contact w/ babysitters, significant others, etc. It’s no fault of the Dads Group or the theater – strictly the screening team – but it did mar the experience for some group members.
What was more shocking was what a couple of dads told me at the theater: they don’t just read my blog, but they think it’s good. I didn’t know what to say. These compliments came out of nowhere, and they did cause some anxiety because I don’t know how to handle good things said about me. My therapist always tells me to just accept them, but I have trouble with that. It all comes down to self-worth and I’ve still yet (again using “yet”) to reach the point where I can just say, “Thanks so much” without feeling weird and confused.
This also happened the same day when the NYC Dads Group shared a list of 10 must-read dad blogs according to Out With The Kids. I couldn’t even look at the list because I knew mine wasn’t on it. Instantly I felt pangs of failure despite the reality that my blog is new on the scene. Once again my brain went to the extreme – I HAVE to be successful with this blog – That my blog hasn’t been recognized by media outlets means I’m no good – blah, blah blah. I’m not sure how, but I was able to overcome these self-inflicted daggers, though if asked, I can’t explain how.
I have no idea how many people actually read this blog. I have no idea if it’s gone beyond friends and family. I have no idea how many of my friends and family actually read it. Which brings me back to the compliments from these two dads group members. Both commented on how well it’s written (I still think my writing sucks). One said to keep at it because I’m putting stuff out there that will help others suffering from similar doubts, anxieties, depression, etc. The other said that my blog’s inspired him to get back to writing. WHAT??? I’m INSPIRING someone?? How can that be? I don’t know if they knew this, but I was close to tears.
People are reading this thing and they think it’s good. My therapist’s voice is whispering to just accept it. I’m trying. I really am. For now I give an awkward thanks to my readers (I can’t believe I just wrote “my readers”). I am positively stunned.
M
July 24, 2013 at 5:11pmI am the worst when it comes to receiving compliments! I feel weird, uncomfortable and flattered all mixed together. I have gotten better; before I would actually try to convince the other person that they were wrong!! I have been told by dear friends to smile and say thank you and leave it at that. So far, I continue to add the words, “you’re very kind” as if to remind myself that they don’t really mean it, they’re just being polite. Ugh! I totally get how you feel!
Btw, I’m smiling as I say thank you for what you wrote about me! 😉
Lorne Jaffe
July 25, 2013 at 1:23amI feel exactly the same way, M! I fight and fight against compliments and also try to tell people they’re wrong or I’ll say something self-deprecating. It’s one of the things on which I’m working very hard. Glad I could make you smile 🙂
Lindsay
July 24, 2013 at 5:39pmThanks for sharing. I saw a link to your blog on Christopher Persley’s FB page and decided to check it out. To be honest, I was looking for spoilers about the Wolverine movie since I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to see it or not, but I was pleasantly surprised by your blog and moved by your honesty. I also write a blog, and I love getting feedback. Definitely keep at it and know that people are checking it out beyond your friends and family. Good luck!
Lorne Jaffe
July 25, 2013 at 1:26amLindsay, you’ve left me pretty speechless. Thank you so much for the compliments and letting me know people I don’t even know are reading this. Would love to read your blog too, so please send me the link!
Petersdad
July 24, 2013 at 9:54pmThank you Lorne again for putting stuff out there so everyone can read. I have insecurities about myself. Sometime I feel like a failure as a husband because I can’t provide like I would like too. Example( able to stay in the apartment that we were living in because the rent went up and I can not pay for it by myself on one salary). I meant every word last night and Thank you for writing about me too!
Lorne Jaffe
July 25, 2013 at 1:30amThanks Petersdad (was not sure if you wanted me to name you, so left you anonymous). As I wrote, your words really stunned me, and I appreciate your honesty about your feelings as well! Thank you for saying you’d be there if I ever want to talk. I’m there for you too, and completely understand the failure as provider thing. I feel the same way. One thing I def have to do is meet Peter!
Caren
July 27, 2013 at 9:30pmIt’s fine to be self deprecating and humble. I think it’s GOOD. As long as you still realize that you are a great writer and this blog will help a lot of people.
Lorne Jaffe
July 28, 2013 at 2:42pmThx Caren, My therapist feels that me being self-deprecating perpetuates my low self-esteem, so maybe I need to lay off that and just concentrate on being humble and learning to accept things. Accepting/understanding compliments feel as alien and overwhelming to me as climbing Mt. Everest